ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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