So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
