I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
