I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
