I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
