i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
