Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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