It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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