"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
