I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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