It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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