just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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