the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
