my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
