when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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