Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
