the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
