I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
