Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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