summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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