i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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