I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
