I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
