I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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