If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
