I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
