This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I AM VODKA MAN
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
