Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
