I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
