so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
