Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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