Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
