i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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