It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
