Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
