I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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