My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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