dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
