Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
