Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
