This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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