Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
