We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
