If that was your dad, he is hot
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
