My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
