Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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