My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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