If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
