I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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