Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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