Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
