If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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